Emily's Journal
by sashaisbadass
Summary: This is Emily's story from that one year that the show didn't talk about... you know while Aria was gone in Iceland and they lost touch. This is just Em's point of view and everything she had to go through after Ali disappeared. I think I'll update 5 diary entries per chapter.


**Emily's Journal**

**This is Emily telling us day by day how she coped with that gap year the show didn't actually talk about. So it starts the day after Ali disappeared. **

Day 1

I feel empty.

How could I have possibly been so stupid? I fell asleep! While someone took Ali from me!And we couldn't do anything. I feel so guilty. She is our best friend, and not knowing what the hell happened to her, not beinng able to help her or not even knowing if we'll ever see her ever again... it feels horrible.

It feels empty.

It feels like I betrayed her. And now... I will never get to tell her what I have always wanted. The raw truth. I know it's selfish to think about my feelings now, but I loved her. And I will never know if she was playing with me or if she really felt something for me.

I just want you back Ali... Talk to me? Please?

Day 2

The cops won't stop calling to question Spencer, Aria, Hanna and me. It just makes me feel horrible not knowing anything about what happened to her, when I'm supposed to be her friend, and the cops just remind me about it.

Yesterday I couldn't sleep. I just want Ali back. I want her to come home and hug me and tell me everything is okay. But I know it isn't. It is not okay.

I don't feel like eating. I don't feel like going any further than my bathroom. I'm just broken. I want to sleep and see her in my dreams. To hear her voice.

And honestly, I don't think seeing my other friends will make things better. They remind me of her. And I know exactly what would happen if we talked.

We would talk about Ali.

I just want her to give me some kind of signal that she is okay. But how could she? Something happened to her and we don't know. The police donn't have a clue where she might have gone, why, who, when, nothing.

She could be dead and we wouldn't know.

But she isn't. I feel it. I hope she's safe somewhere and she comes back someday. I hope nobody has her trapped in some place. I just hope she's alive.

Ali... I miss you.

Day 3

I haven't showered in three days. I haven't been eating much. I haven't even changed clothes yet. I'm not even talking to my friends.

How can I really? One of them is gone and the others must be sad too. But never as much as I am.

Never.

Why is it that my feelings grow when I'm supposed to let go? It's like torturing myself for something I didn't do. Even though I could have saved her. It makes me so damn mad the fact that I was sleeping while she was being taken away.

Whatsmore, I don't really remember anything about that night. I just remember drinking that stuff Ali gave us, and then waking up because Spencer had hear her scream.

To be honest, if I had heard her scream... my soul would have broken right there. Somebody hurting MY Alison. My best friend. The only one I trusted all my secrets to. The only one that actually made me feel...

Special.

I just miss her so god damn much.

Yesterday night I bawled my eyes out. When is this pain going to end?

Please Ali, come back.

Day 4

My mom is making me eat. I'm just pretending to eat it because I'm not hungry. I just want you back Ali.

Come back. Come back. Come back. Please.

That's what I only think about now. I don't speak anymore. I don't even think about how we have to start school in a few days.

I cry all the time. I want to tell her that I'm sorry for leaving her alone that night. I just beg every night that she comes back safe and sound.

I keep just thinking about her eyes and her smile, how she probably is scared and alone. She probably doesn't have anything to eat or somebody to talk to.

She's probably worse than me.

I'm so selfish for thinking about myself and how I complain about my mom making me eat, while Ali doesn't have any food with her.

I'm sorry, Ali. Please forgive me. Please. And comeback so I can help you, and you can help me. We'll go through this together. Just come back.

Day 5

Yesterday I slept the whole night. It was horrible.

I had a nightmare about Ali screaming and begging for help, I tried to reach her, but I couldn't. I was stuck and couldn't move.

When are the cops going to find her? When will they tell us anything about what exactly happened to her? I'm desperate. I want to go out and find her myself, but I feel so weak. Like a part of me has been taken away and is never coming back.

I feel incomplete.

Imagine not having your leg or one of your arms? Kinda like that... but she took my heart with her.

My dad came today to visit me and catch up with the whole situation. I didn't move from my bed, but I talked to him. We ended up yelling at each other.

- Honey... can we go downstairs and have a normal meal together? The police will figure this out. Eveything will be okay.

I don't know why but I exploded.

- Okay, listen to me. First of all I don't feel hungry. There are people who don't have anything to eat. Alison is out there with no shelter, no food, and you expect me to be okay with it? Expect me tt's to believe that they will find her?! That is just a joke! They won't! They don't have a clue about what happened! And how are they supposed to? I was there and neither do I! Right? So leave me alone. I'm not going anywhere until Ali comes back.

I feel bad for yelling at him, but the it's the truth.

I won't leave my room until she comes back.


End file.
